I woke up this morning and was like, Hey what happened to feeling a little awkward? Where’d ya go? And who let in your cousin Cantankerous?
I’d rub sand paper on my knees just to feel a little awkward today. But awkward is apparently unavailable, so Cantankerous is filling in. So the little things like clothes touching my body, and blinking, are annoying me today. Excuse me clothes, I don‘t mean to be difficult, but do you have to do that all the time? Be so near me?
This morning I was in the kitchen trying to figure out what to give the girls for breakfast and I saw last night’s dirty dishes in the sink…and realized we’re almost out of milk…and then there’s lunch…and dinner…and that appointment with the arsonist to burn this mother of a house down.
It’s not like I have to forage in the woods for nuts, or trap squirrel – it’s just breakfast. They make cereal bars for people like me. For me, and the other three people like me, who become overwhelmed when too many coupons are magnetized to the fridge door or when planning a three year old’s birthday party. SCREW THE BALLOONS. God didn’t bless me with lungs to inflate latex sacs.
