Have I ever told you the story about the time I hid in Ben’s roommate’s closet for two hours white knuckling a baseball bat? Anyone [pause], anyone remember...no? Because I’d hate to repeat myself and risk sounding like a nagger. A repeater is like a nagger, and no one likes a nagger, however, sometimes a nagger must repeatedly remind a certain somebody to buy lemons on his way home because the last time a certain somebody wasn’t nagged at, the nagger had to eat her hummus without a squeeze of lemon. The only thing worse than a nagger is a grumpy nagger who’s forced to eat Middle Eastern food without a squirt of citrus.

Maybe that’s the real crux of the Middle East conflict, lack of citrus on their falafels, because boy, a plate of baba ghanoush without a lemon wedge can make me cross. There. Problem solved. Hillary Clinton, you’re welcome.

Annnnyway, hiding for my life in the closet. ...Continue Reading »

Now that Lexi and Whitney are in school, Heidi and I get to spend a few hours of alone time together in the mornings. People had warned me Heidi might feel lonely without her sisters during the day, however, Heidi’s copped more of a don’t-let-the-door-hit-you-in-the-ass sort of morning attitude. Here she is moments after the school bus picked-up her sisters. ...Continue Reading »

We were all up earlier than...well, you'd just hate me if I told you the last time we were up early enough to watch the 'Wake-Up' news. What can I say? Our kids don't wake-up before 8 a.m. And I realize mentioning this is a little like skinny people complaining that they can't keep the weight on and don't workout, and they eat whatever it is their little hearts desire. So yes, my kids are good sleepers. However, I can't consumer dubious quantities of bacon-peanut butter-cheese sandwiches dipped in thousand island dressing. Not that I'd want to; I'm just saying that if you're one of those people who are burdened with drinking chocolate milk shakes, I'd appreciate it if you'd keep your lips closed around your straws and leave me to binge on my carrot sticks in peace!
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In two days Whitney and Lexi will start school leaving Heidi and me alone together. I know she’ll miss her sisters when they're at school, so I plan on snuggling and loving her up until she rolls her eyes and is all.Ugh, mom enough, and no, don’t ask me if I want to start breastfeeding again. ...Continue Reading »