Depression

I look back now and wonder if she was dying that day at the beach, or that weekend at my cousin’s wedding. If the monster was already there, breaking her body down one cell at a time. Stalking her organs and ambushing her insides. The cancer had won before she even knew to fight.

I was 24 years old when my mom was diagnosed with pancreatic cancer, and I was 24 years old when she died from the disease. The whole experience organized in my mind by numbers. On the day she died, I was 24 years old, my baby was 1, my brother 22, my dad 66 and my mom 57. She was diagnosed when she was 56; the cancer was in stage 4. Before the diagnosis, she'd been sick for 3 months. After the diagnosis, she was sick for 7 months, before dying at 6:30pm on 10/1/99. I was 45 minutes from home when she slipped away. ...Continue Reading »

2011 rolled in like a Trojan horse, all bedazzled, and shiny, and new with hope. Thennnn... ...Continue Reading »

So I’m feeling fat, and I’m pretty sure the shoes I’m wearing make my butt look big. I usually don’t mention when I have The Fat Feeling since it makes me sound like I swallowed Kim Kardashian and burped up her vanity, however, I’m pretty consumed by The Fat Feeling right now. It's not that I'm o.k. with giving up so much of my brain’s real estate to The Fat Feeling, but The Fat Feeling hired an aggressive real estate agent behind on her car payments...and...well...there was some paperwork and...The Fat Feeling moved in. ...Continue Reading »

I was bullied and run out of school when I was 11 years old. It was horrible. So horrible that I’ve made a conscientious effort to stuff my feelings good and down ever since. Then the recent stories about kids and online/offline bullying and the tragic consequences began running rampant through the media, and all those suppressed feelings resurfaced. That’s just great. Twenty-five, perfectly good years of denying my feelings, and now here they are like an unexpected visit from Mom to your dorm-room with Boyfriend hiding in the closet. JUST PERFECT! ...Continue Reading »