Everyday

If you had to rate my cocktail party skill-set between one and ten it would probably be a negative seven. I don’t mean the drinking part, I can do that. I will drink circles around you and then excuse myself go to the ladies room where I’ll re-apply my eyeliner with the steadiest of hands.

No, I’m talking about the small talk part. Small talk is like ping-pong and I’m no good at ping-pong. Sure I can hit that hollow ball over the net a couple times, but inevitably it comes bouncing back to me wanting to talk about cupcake recipes. At which point I panic and smash the ball until it’s thin enough to fit into my wallet.

I just finished reading Expecting Adam, a memoir about an Ivy League woman and her journey through pregnancy while carrying a baby with Down Syndrome. The author, Martha Beck, received a PhD from Harvard, has written multiple books and speaks Japanese. Just a regular o’ gal like you and me.

In her book, she explains that in Japanese there are two words for thing: koto and mono. Koto means something abstract or tangible whereas mono means something physical. I do better when faced with a koto conversation. I will talk for hours and hours about your ideas, your thoughts on life, however, I don’t want to know why your driveway needs to be repaved.

At one point in her book, the author recounts a conversation between herself (who prefers to discuss koto things) and her in-laws (who’d rather discuss mono things). What follows is that dialog between the author and her in-laws. (It revolves around her mother-in-law’s hair):

John: So, you’ll go over to Jolyn’s (the hairdresser). Does she do a good job?

Faye: Oh, a pretty good job. I like the way she combs it out.

Jay: Huh! Well it looks good.

John: Yeah, Mom, it looks good.

Faye: Yes, Jolyn does a pretty good job.

The author (or me mingling at a party): You know, humans are the only species of primates that don’t do much mutual grooming. I think that’s why women talk so much to their hairdressers. Being groomed sort of triggers the old social-bonding instinct. Don’t you think that’s likely?

That last line is where I smash the ball until it’s bookmark thin. It’s also when the ping-pong table buckles under the awkward silence and falls onto our toes.

Where have I been? I’m not even sure myself. I think the last time I saw me was somewhere around the intersection of Money Stress and the Holidays (is that redundant?). Or maybe it was our work obligations or The Groenevelt: Everyone-Is-Going-to-Die-Virus-of-Christmas-Vacation-Twenty-Eleven.

I'm not sure what virus circumvented our immune systems. All I know is that the fatigue was so bad I could be cutting a length of wrapping paper and have to stop mid-way through my slice, stretch out over the unrolled paper like a beach towel and rest my cheek on its slippery, cool surface until I had the energy enough to finish pushing the scissors through the remaining uncut paper.

But we're all better now and I can finally hold my head up unassisted so I'd like to take this opportunity to ask: WHO in God's name scheduled Christmas during flu season? I mean, how are we expected to celebrate the baby Jesus' birthday with deep discounted electronics and door busters, if were too sick to get out of bed?

Anyway, in spite of it all, we did manage to have a nice holiday, and enjoy each other, and not hurl. That’s how we’ll remember this Christmas...the Christmas we sidestepped vomiting. Ah, the memories we'll treasure.

Here are some of those memories:

Isn't this disgraceful? Who wears their undies inside out, when they decorate for the holidays? Probably not fancy people.

Christmas bokeh and bow-tie lips.

I love these classic, wooden, Germanic, Christmas toys. Plus this one can be used as nunchucks.

Santa made a stop at my in-laws. My kids' grandparents are throwing them a wonderful childhood.

Lexi's holiday, choir concert. You wouldn't know from this photo, but we had to sedate her like a cat on its way to the vet in order to get her there. She did her best to grimace during the program, but as you can see, she failed to sustain the surliness she fought to maintain through her performance. Maybe next year, honey. Maybe next year.

Christmas afternoon, we drove down to Illinois to spend the evening with my stepfather-in-law's family. Here's Heidi getting herself all psyched-up for the soiree while we were getting ready in the hotel.

And here's Ben, at the Christmas party, with a couple of his favorite holiday companions.

I hope you all had fabulous holidays yourselves...I’ve missed you so!

I'll probably look back, decades from now, and wish I hadn't worried so much about my pores...I mean, my children's future. Of course.

Whitney’s class has their Halloween party this afternoon...meaning, I have a Halloween costume to finish. I should probably have enough time to complete it, however, my roots will have to wait. Then, as soon as the costume is done, Heidi, my roots, and I will all head over to the school.

For Your Consumer Information: I took this photo with my Sony Cyber-Shot. The WORST camera in the world. It’s not intuitive to use at all, and takes crappy shots, and it's expensive. Otherwise, it’s just super fantastic.