Lists

It’s usually around this time of year when I consider packaging up my mind and shipping it off to some kind of servicing center where they can 'make it right again,' and I know I'm not alone. I'm sure a lot of you feel like you've been dangled by your ankles over a snow bank since the holidays. Then, just when you realized you weren't wearing any pants, life let go and dropped you head first into a pile of slush.

Hey, that doesn't make dragging a twenty-pound toboggan up a sledding hill sound so bad, as far as winter activities go!

It's not that I'm 'losing my mind' so much as I've damaged it with months of Chutes-and-Ladders and that "wouaaa wouaaa wu wu wouaaaaaaaaaa" sound my kids make. Do you know what I mean? Not sure? Well then, ask yourself this: ...Continue Reading »

On my mental to-do list is, ‘Write a Life-List.’ Lots of you may already have one, and for your sakes, I hope you’ve been regularly crossing off accomplishments and adding new items, because Oprah knows when you’ve been naughty or living YOUR. BEST. LIFE!

Oh wait, she already did her Christmas giveaway show so who gives a shit. Mediocrity, you may carry on! ...Continue Reading »

So I’m feeling fat, and I’m pretty sure the shoes I’m wearing make my butt look big. I usually don’t mention when I have The Fat Feeling since it makes me sound like I swallowed Kim Kardashian and burped up her vanity, however, I’m pretty consumed by The Fat Feeling right now. It's not that I'm o.k. with giving up so much of my brain’s real estate to The Fat Feeling, but The Fat Feeling hired an aggressive real estate agent behind on her car payments...and...well...there was some paperwork and...The Fat Feeling moved in. ...Continue Reading »

I was bullied and run out of school when I was 11 years old. It was horrible. So horrible that I’ve made a conscientious effort to stuff my feelings good and down ever since. Then the recent stories about kids and online/offline bullying and the tragic consequences began running rampant through the media, and all those suppressed feelings resurfaced. That’s just great. Twenty-five, perfectly good years of denying my feelings, and now here they are like an unexpected visit from Mom to your dorm-room with Boyfriend hiding in the closet. JUST PERFECT! ...Continue Reading »