Off Topic

Happy Thanksgiving, you guys!

[Humor: It's what keeps me from hurling my silverware drawer across the kitchen, most days. And that's something to be thankful for!]

You’ve probably already heard that Mrs. Duggar is pregnant with her twentieth child. And if you haven’t heard: MRS. DUGGAR IS PREGNANT WITH HER TWENTIETH CHILD! So now you know.

Also, when I say Mrs. Duggar is pregnant I mean just that. SHE is pregnant. Not The Duggars or Mr. and Mrs. Duggar as a couple. SHE, and only SHE, is the one working this show. So, no, THEY are not pregnant. Only the lady with the well traveled vagina.

Speaking of Mrs. Duggar’s vagina, can we not? Look, fine, the woman is pregnant for the twentieth time. Meaning she’s given birth to nineteen other babies, meaning one way or another those babies exited her body and according to what I know, Mrs. Duggar has had a lot vaginal births. [And God help me for knowing that.]

But every time the Duggars announce SHE’S pregnant, the internet lights up with comments about Mrs. Duggar’s vagina. And to a point, I get why. I had three vaginal deliveries myself [and God help you for knowing that] and will be the first to say that delivering a baby vaginally makes its mark. And we’re going to leave it at that. You’re welcome.

What I will say, though, is that repeat, vaginal deliveries don’t repeatedly do any further ‘damage’ to the vagina. At least that’s been my experience and the experience of others who have forced me to listen to their birth stories. Also, a couple of OBGYNs have told me that too. So there, it's science.

You guys, Mrs. Duggar is probably fine ‘down there.’ We don’t collectively, as a nation, need to send our regards and concerns to Mrs. Duggar’s vagina. Chances are, all the 'damage' that was done to her vagina was done after baby number one.

O.k., so I’m officially done hearing about Mrs. Duggar’s vagina. Who else's vagina can we talk about?

Hey, did you hear Lindsey Lohan is posing in Playboy............

Thank you to Crocs for sponsoring this blog post. Please click here to learn more about Crocs new Back to School line. I was selected for this sponsorship by the Clever Girls Collective. All opinions expressed here are my own.

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So it's almost time for the kids to go back to school and you know what that means, don't you? It's time for back-to-school shopping for school supplies and you know what that means, don't you? It's time to pretend I'm not the mom.

I make school supply shopping their dad's job, because those school supply lists can be as specific as a celebrity rider; the ones famous, important people have their handlers provide to the venues where they're performing.

Ms. Paltrow prefers her La Croix water warm, the temperature of her dressing room should be 68 degrees, please make sure a Gen-Aire humidifier is placed next to her make-up chair. Also, she requires six no. 2 pencils pre-sharpened, two-ply Kleenex brand tissues, and a plastic [not wood] 12 inch ruler.

Back-to-school clothes shopping isn't as bad. Not great, but I'll identify myself as their mother should the point be pressed. Here too, the schools have specific lists of what can and cannot be worn. Like did you know lots of schools don't allow students to wear flip-flops or clogs? I'm not exactly sure the why, but someone once told me it's a safety concern. Because, you guys, children have to be protected from the dangers of things like flip-flops and if the schools aren't going to step-up and do it, then who will? It takes a village, people.

Maybe it's a safety thing or maybe the teachers are afraid some kid will beam them in the back of their head with a Croc [and if you've been anywhere near a classroom you know this is probably a healthy fear].

So, in an effort to make our schools safer more fashionable, Crocs has come out with a new Back to School line.

I'm particularly smitten with the Dawson Slip On Kids and Hover Kids' Sneak Metallic styles. And since we can never find a pair of matching shoes on school mornings, I've taken it upon myself to see what they look like worn together. See how on top of things I am? Inspiring, isn't it?

Oh also, you can watch Crocs “They’ve Got Summer Inside” video, featuring 9 styles from the new line, and they’re clickable. Yes clickable.

Last week, while waiting to order my iced-coffee, unsweetened, no room ...ahem... at Starbucks, I noticed Beyonce’s new album displayed in front of the cash register next to the $3 dollar breath mints and whatever other crap Starbucks happens to be selling at the moment.

When I first saw the album cover I thought -- Jessica Simpson is so pretty. ...Continue Reading »