Do you need a romantic getaway? Then don’t...

We’re back...less a couple layers of skin off our butts, but we're back! We spent a little time in the Wisconsin Dells this last weekend sloshing and screaming our way down miles of oversized plumbing. But seriously, I enjoy a good water slide. Also, people watching half-naked-dimple-thighed-dolphin-tattooed-folks is worth a day spent tucking errant hairs back into my bikini bottoms.

Ben and I had done some online comparison shopping, and as it turns out, we could grab our ankles and purchase water park tickets, a la carte, or just grasp our thighs and pay for a hotel, which also included the water park admission. Since the latter was the better deal, and we’re not too limber, we opted for the hotel/water park combo package.

And here’s the thing, although the resort we chose hosts many conventions and conferences, and boasts an on-site spa, it is first and foremost a ‘family’ oriented venue. So says the resort’s water park's rule number three: “All children who are not toilet trained must wear approved swim diapers.” And oh my God, I'm not saying guests without children aren't welcome, just know that my kid might poop in the pool.

To all the childless couples out there whose suitcases are filled with g-strings and bourbon let me give you a word of advice: steer clear of all accommodations offering coloring contests and face painting.

I’m just saying.

Even so, I’d like to offer an apology to the couple in this video. I can only assume, this dude was fast on his feet, dragging his lady friend away from all this procreation aftermath, just to double check that his prophylactics were still safely tucked in the outside pocket of his overnight bag.