I’m missing Blogher. CRAP.

As many of you already know, I’m a tweeter. I’m also a bit lactose intolerant, but that’s for another day. I know, I know and now you’re all, “What?! She’s just teasing us with this mention of her lactose intolerance? Elaborate woman!” Talk about stringing you along! Next thing you know, I’ll casually mention I’m pregnant. Oh my God Ben just read that and did a mini-throw up in his mouth. I am not pregnant.

Anyhow, I’m on the Twitter last night and after a few drinks just before going to bed I tweeted:



I was being facetious. Sort of.

[Keep holding, if you don’t know what any of that meant; I’m about to explain. Also, seriously, I’m not pregnant, but the lactose intolerant thing is the God’s honest truth.]

And then, when I woke up this morning and checked my Twitter feed, I found this response from a one year old baby boy [baby Cole has his own Twitter account to augment his blog - of course he does]:
 


Tweetdeck? Whaaa the?

And how awesome is this? Now I get to add, ‘Internet Infant Has Superior Grasp of Social Media Technology,’ to my lengthy list of ‘Things I Didn’t Know.’ Although, my new entry won’t be the top bullet point on that list. No, that top spot is already occupied by: ‘You’ll Regret Not Planning a Trip to the Blogher Conference in New York This Weekend’

And what is the Blogher conference? It’s a conference for bloggers. For those of you unfamiliar with the blogosphere, or Blogher, or it’s conference, let me try to frame it for you.

Blogher is like the prom.

• - Everyone has the opportunity to attend [but not everyone gets to go].
• - You have to buy tickets.
• - There will be food
• - There will be booze.
• - There will be after-parties [that doesn’t mean you’ll be invited].
• - The cool kids will ignore you.
• - Girls will get drunk and take off their dresses.
• - There will be that girl who starves herself just to fit into her party dress and then won’t eat, drink one too many flirtinis and then when one of the big name    bloggers passes her, on the way to the ladies’ room, she’ll slur a “BITCH” in her direction.

I’ve only been blogging for a year now so I didn’t realize how much I’d regret missing the Blogher conference in New York this weekend. Sure, I’d heard of the Blogher conference and was thinking I should “look into it.” But looking into it fell somewhere on my to-do list between lowering my auto insurance rates and buying furnace filters.

It’s just like every summer when the fall school supply list comes out. I see it, I know it’s going to happen [school], I just view it as something I can put off until next week...next week...later. Ultimately, I end up running through Office Depot's aisles at nine o’clock the night before the first day of school. Of course the school supply aisle looks as though one of the employees leaned those steel shelves on their sides and then shook them until every glue stick and protractor  dropped to the floor. Because all the good moms bought their kids’ school supplies back in July, the Groenevelt girls will show-up on the first day of school with carboned-backed receipt pads and economy sized boxes of staples.

And that’s how I prepared for the Blogher 2010 conference. I would ‘save’ for it later. I’d buy my conference tickets ‘next week.’ How would I get to New York? I’d figure that out after I saved for it and bought my conference tickets of course. Splendid planning!

So I’ll have to settle for reading about those better prepared conference attendees drinking specially concocted Blogher cocktails, and auditioning for a T.V. series, and waking up in their own vomit DAMMIT-THAT-COULD-HAVE-BEEN-ME!