If you had to rate my cocktail party skill-set between one and ten it would probably be a negative seven. I don’t mean the drinking part, I can do that. I will drink circles around you and then excuse myself go to the ladies room where I’ll re-apply my eyeliner with the steadiest of hands.
No, I’m talking about the small talk part. Small talk is like ping-pong and I’m no good at ping-pong. Sure I can hit that hollow ball over the net a couple times, but inevitably it comes bouncing back to me wanting to talk about cupcake recipes. At which point I panic and smash the ball until it’s thin enough to fit into my wallet.
I just finished reading Expecting Adam, a memoir about an Ivy League woman and her journey through pregnancy while carrying a baby with Down Syndrome. The author, Martha Beck, received a PhD from Harvard, has written multiple books and speaks Japanese. Just a regular o’ gal like you and me.
In her book, she explains that in Japanese there are two words for thing: koto and mono. Koto means something abstract or tangible whereas mono means something physical. I do better when faced with a koto conversation. I will talk for hours and hours about your ideas, your thoughts on life, however, I don’t want to know why your driveway needs to be repaved.
At one point in her book, the author recounts a conversation between herself (who prefers to discuss koto things) and her in-laws (who’d rather discuss mono things). What follows is that dialog between the author and her in-laws. (It revolves around her mother-in-law’s hair):
John: So, you’ll go over to Jolyn’s (the hairdresser). Does she do a good job?
Faye: Oh, a pretty good job. I like the way she combs it out.
Jay: Huh! Well it looks good.
John: Yeah, Mom, it looks good.
Faye: Yes, Jolyn does a pretty good job.
The author (or me mingling at a party): You know, humans are the only species of primates that don’t do much mutual grooming. I think that’s why women talk so much to their hairdressers. Being groomed sort of triggers the old social-bonding instinct. Don’t you think that’s likely?
That last line is where I smash the ball until it’s bookmark thin. It’s also when the ping-pong table buckles under the awkward silence and falls onto our toes.
Comments
not so good at the small talk myself. I guess I only have koto things to talk about. I somewhat recently hosted a cocktail party. I tried to talk Koto and mono style. No one paid any attention. They were very involved in their small talk however. All kinds of talk about paving driveways, lazy husbands, and blah blah boring boring. Who needs small talk when we should be keeping our lips busy with our drinks anyway! Cheers! ;)
I'm not good at it either. I hate the awkward silence sometimes where you just smile & nod so I usually fill it with stupid stuff & end up talking forever out of nervousness
I could lie to you and, say that I'm not good at small talk but, that would just be wrong.
The truth is, I excel at small talk...always have. I think it's genetic, my dad was the world's best small talker.
Sorry ladies, it is what it is!
That's fine, then I'm taking you to the next cocktail party. Finally, the pressure is off!
Oh yes, I shake my head sadly in recognition.
Not of you, but of the me in you.
The other night, at a party, I just blurted:
Did you know it only took Charles Dickens 6 weeks to write a Christmas Carol?
All eyes up, then back down , seriously intent on their wine glasses.
Sigh.
Why we turn to the internet, I guess.
WONDERFUL POST.
This comment made me laugh and wish I'd been at that party with you because I would have been all, "Yeah, who's Charles Dickens?" (Because you know some of those people were thinking that!)
I find small talk annoying. What's the point if we're not gong to have a "real" conversation?
I think for some people, small talk takes more energy than it does for others. I know some people who are masters at the small talk. I'm better at stirring my drink:)
::fist bump::
you and me both, sistafriend.
you know it girlfriend!
I'm crap at small talk too. no consolation to either of us I know...
That's fine. I would be happy just to stand next to you at a cocktail party and look at your photos.