Big news here at the Groenevelts! I can button my pants! And I don't mean with a hair rubber band looped through the button and it's hole. I mean the proper way, as a button and a hole should. The way Levi and Jordache and God intended. I’m just bursting and I wanted to announce my big news to the Internet, because I know so many of you were wondering. In fact I just stuck my head out the door and yelled I CAN FIT INTO MY PANTS AGAIN! So all the non-Internet people [whoever those freaks are] will be up to speed on the progress of my fat ass.
If you're new to this site you might be thinking I just had a baby, or opened a bakery. [Both of which sound yummy and INSANE.] Actually, we just moved back from Mexico a few months ago and my body has finally come to terms with the fact that we won't be returning to fried EVERYTHING anytime soon. Hey fat cells, it's clear, you can evacuate the hostile territory, that which is my booty.
[I relish writing "booty," just to see what Google Ads will display. I'm hoping for an ad like…bootypoppanties.com or bootycampmom.com.]
Whoa…hold up there now...are you kidding me? Bootycampmom.com offers professional potty training services at the tune of three-hundred dollars. Holy. Fuck.
Booty Camp® Potty Training Class: $299.99
This Potty Training class is for the typically developing child, ages 2 1/2 yrs.- 5yrs. old, The Booty Camp Potty Training Class consists of a one day, five hour class from 9-2 p.m., including three days of oversite, with extensive phone consulting. [Approximately 42 hrs.] Truly, Individualizing Your Child's Potty Training Program! Class size is up to five.
So right, my pants. Yes, my booty is back and better than ever and I owe it all to my dear friend, the elliptical trainer. Although, I imagine my relationship with the elliptical trainer is very similar to what a friendship with Suze Orman might be like. They're good for you, and make you a stronger person, but they frequently make you want to vomit into your hands.
