One man’s trash is another man’s new crap

These genuine, mass-produced, machine-cut glasses, with visible seams, can be yours to purchase at our upcoming rummage sale. When potential buyers inquire about these glasses...“Are they real crystal?”... “Are they hand cut?”... “Will they make my butt look smaller?”...I will tell them that I don’t know anything about the glasses other than their matching gravy boat is on the other card table. The one with the sign reading: *ALL THE CRAP ON THIS TABLE IS FIFTY CENTS*

You see this table here? Yeah, all that crap is twenty-five cents, and that table there? All the crap on that one is thirty-cents.

We’ve been clearing out the basement. No I’m sorry. We’ve been excavating the basement. It’s more like an archaeological dig. My parents purchased this house thirty-five years ago, and SURPRISE there's a water heater!

Also, for those of you who gifted us crystal for our wedding, you need not attend our rummage sale. There’s nothing to see there. Move along.

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