This is the second post in a series I’m calling: 'I'm Basically The Best Mom Ever.' In today’s post, I will answer some of your make believe questions about expanding your families; specifically growing your families and going for baby number three. And, since I have three kids myself, I wanted to warn explain to you what living with three kids is all about.
#1
Q. We’re thinking about trying for a third baby, but we have some concerns. Mainly, we don’t want more than three kids, and we’re worried that if we try for the third, I might get pregnant with twins.
A. We were worried about this too so my husband and I discussed it at length, and we asked ourselves: "What if we end up with too many kids? What if they overwhelm us and hunt us down for food?" If you and your partner end up with more children than you can manage, I would suggest you guys explore various options for yourselves as a couple...like the Federal Witness Protection Program.
#2
Q. I’ve heard that hotels will only allow up to four people in a standard room. Is this true?
A. Yes, this is the case. Meaning, if your family of five stays in a hotel you’ll need to book two rooms. Or, you can make one of your kids hide behind the building until the rest of you have checked in. Then, once you’re settled, you can let your third child in through the back door. Just make sure you remember to let your child in, because some kids don’t like being abandoned in hotel parking lots. So I’ve been told.
#3
Q. I’ve noticed that most recipes are based on four servings. How do you calculate the additional amount of ingredients needed for five servings?
A. You ask this like I cook for my children or something?
#4
Q. What if I wanted to buy one of those two-seater, toy, motorized cars? What about my third child?
A. This is an irrelevant question. Three kids suck your bank account dry. There won’t be any motorized vehicles in your children's futures, unless you consider the neighbor’s riding lawnmower a motorized vehicle, because that’s were your kids are going to spend their summers earning money for shoes.
#5
Q. I’ve seen those restaurant promotions, which include a free, kids meal with every adult entree purchased. Considering my husband and I would only order two adult entrees, how would that work for the third kid’s meal?
A. I believe, the restaurant will let you choose which of your children will wait in the car.
#6
Q. What if we win a free trip for four people and we have five people in our family?
A. This would make for a great opportunity to teach one of your children about coping with disappointment. But seriously...first of all, you’re never going to win a trip. Secondly, you’re never going to win a trip. Dumb question. Next.
#7
Q. What if, out of the blue, my husband is offered a fantastic job with a huge pay raise requiring us to relocate to an area which only has three bedroom houses? How would we decide which two of our children would share a room?
A. All right, now you people are just starting to tick me off. This is never going to happen. I met your husband, and he’s an idiot. Listen, I have seven-thousand kids, I mean three kids. I don’t have time for these inane questions.
In conclusion:
So there you have it folks! I hope I’ve been a useful resource in your baby making decisions, and that I’ve given you some insight into living in a family of five. And, for those of you who will be going on to have baby #3...
Gooooooood luck.
Comments
Gah I've missed reading your blog. Oh and thanks for writing this because even though in pretty sure I'm done with 2, I never even thought about the possibility that 3 could turn into 4. Phew.
I'm like a friggin' public service announcement.
You can certainly sneak in a third kid. My parents snuck in an extra 6.
Who has time for sex after three? Go parents!
I can't believe you wrote this post! You ARE my brotha from another motha, except the girl kind. Last night, I dreamed that I adopted a baby & then realized that I hadn't bathed that child in days. I remember thinking, in my dream, "Man, I already had my kids trained to take care of themselves and now this!" And I realized that my dreams are really true, except for the fact that in my dream, the father of my adopted son had a peg leg like Mr. Crabs from Spongebob and slid down our driveway while we were all walking down it & I was okay with that, even though I'm quite sure it hurt his stub pretty badly.
Exactly what kind of cocktails are you pounding before bed?
I'm there too... But I keep coming back around to the question my childless friends & sisters ask me .. What about you?
Absolutely, absolutely! I've pretty much spent my entire adulthood as a parent. I've never been a grown up and NOT a mom. Yeah, what about you? What about me?
Let me know when you have it all figured out. O.K. Great. Thanks.
Wow, your post could and should be considered as birth control. I think you've covered just about every reason NOT to have a third little one...very persuasive!
True. But I probably could have written the same post for 'having one child' or 'adding a second child.' Or a husband. Or a cat. Or call-waiting.
It's just my way.
Well, you can always have 2.06,kids, the estimated fertility rate for 2011. I'm sure that will just solve the problem. Duh.
We've played with the idea of another whole kid, but a .06 kid seems so much more managable!
You can definitely sneak that third kid in for a long time. Shoot, we snuck my 3rd kid AND my mother in law into a very tiny room this fall. It was tight, but cheaper than the next level up!
I grew up with 3 and 2 kids always seemed so... small. So quiet. So lonely. So, even though it's a bit crazy at times, 3 isn't that big of a deal. Even a fourth wouldn't kill me, (I don't think) but over 5 or 6 would be quite the challenge...
"You can definitely sneak that third kid in for a long time. Shoot, we snuck my 3rd kid AND my mother in law into a very tiny room this fall. It was tight, but cheaper than the next level up! "
I like the way you think, woman!
I tend to say I doubt you'll regret more kids if you have them.
I don't see too many people walking around complaining "Oh,I really wish little Johnny had never been born".
But of course you need to do what you feel is best for you.
I love my big family and we hope to expand more (currently 4 boys 7,3,2 and 4 mos) and it's amazing!
So worth it.I would never say I wished I'd had less children so I could have easier vacations.
I've learned to budget for a big family and watching them (currently) throwing all the couch cushions on the floor,accidently hurting eachother and then hugging and saying "OK,OK".....Priceless :)
Of course! I love all my kids and, in a way, I wish I was up for having more. But, I don't think that's in my cards so please don't show me any cute baby photos. My uterus can't bear it!
"duct tape" is an appropriate answer to some of these too. If there is an older child it can be trained to hold and rip duct tape. But that's the kid whose going to want to go on the free vacation, eat the free food and likely won't change the flippin toilet paper roll.
Any comment that starts with "duct tape" is just damn funny.
I think it's great that these very efficient parents-of-two have so thoughtfully planned all this out and have so many practical questions about it. . . . cash, trips, hotel rooms? Yeah, um, not anymore, y'all. Uptight + more than 2 kids = insanity; you'll implode, don't try it.
I don't think it's great. I'm not happy for efficient parents at all. I'm a small person that way.
Here is another idea about having that third child. Space them far enough apart that the oldest gets to help out with the youngest! Then you don't have to worry about the motorized cars (her butt doesn't fit anyway), not having enough hands to spread between 3 kids, that god awful restaurant scenario never happens because by then the oldest is eating you out of house and home anyways! Besides the fact, I like the idea of 2 different rooms at the hotel...though I doubt the rest of the people on the floor would be particularly happy with me putting all my children in a room unsupervised, right? :)
Don't worry about those other people...you're just following the rules! You're a rule follower!
Please allow me, if you will, to quote from the post I wrote about getting a vasectomy:
"Occasionally, during those (frequent) moments when my son and daughter have my wife and I stretched to the breaking point, I envision an additional child thrown into the mix, and that vision is one that can best be described as 'horrifically untenable.' Against the backdrop of raising a third child for the next couple of decades, the alternative of subjecting myself to a 30-minute session of genital mutilation actually seemed quite desirable."
Yes, Daddy Scratches, you are correct. Sometimes painful medical procedures are more fun than a living room full of your own offspring. It seems unnatural, but obviously god gave us urologists for a reason.
Seriously. Three kids may as well be seven-thousand. I am just as overwhelmed. There will come a day where I will change my name and move to Mexico. If they don't eat me alive first.
Well, we did move to Mexico, but we took the kids with us and forgot to change our names. Ugh, missed opportunity!