Some of you may find this technique disturbing

Last month, the school sent home notes announcing the first quarter parent/teacher conferences were to be held the second week of November. Conference sign-up sheets were at school and we should stop in ASAP and schedule a meeting before all the slots filled up. Since my memory is about as reliable as the pull-out method, I wrote myself a reminder note.

I scribbled down the words ‘parent teacher/conferences’ on the back of a receipt, shoved it deep in my jeans’ pocket and then proceeded to strip off my pants, dig a hole in the backyard blind-folded, and bury the jeans so I’d never find them again.

And success! I cannot find those jeans. I cannot not find my baggy, PMS jeans. So no everything is NOT ALL RIGHT! AND NO I DON’T HAVE PMS! Why are you being so mean to me?!

Husbands, right?!

Over the course of the next several weeks, cheery notes with clip-art of apples and school books were sent home reminding us to “Sign-up before it’s too late!” Then, a day before the final day of conference scheduling, a note printed on plain, white paper was sent home reminding us to get our lazy, Dr. Phil watching asses off the couch, wipe the Dorito cheese from our hands and SIGN-UP FOR THE FRACKING CONFERENCES ALREADY!

I think the school wants us to sign-up for conferences.

So, I got my Dorito butt off the couch and left for school to schedule our conference times. When I got to school, I found the sign-up sheets stapled to a large bulletin board at the end of the main hallway. I stood there for a moment, letting my eyes bounce from one sign-up sheet to another, until the room began spinning just like it did at those kegger parties in college. I learned back then that if I closed my eyes and took some deep breaths I could stop the room from spinning...that, or barfing off a balcony helped too. Either works. It's more of a personal preference, however, this situation seemed to call for the closing of the eyes and deep breathing technique. Guys, I cannot emphasize enough the importance of a saving for your child's secondary education!

Since Lexi is in junior high, we needed to meet with all four of her teachers as well as Whitney’s kindergarten teacher. Meaning five different meeting times to schedule. Meaning I wouldn't be able to memorize all those conference times in my head and would need to write down who and when we were meeting so we'd know when and where to show up on conference day. This presented a problem because I didn't bring along a pen or a piece of paper. Speaking of not carrying a pen on my person...how am I going to fill out the sign-up sheets? And lo, a pen on the floor, but still no paper.

Soooooo...



I figured when I got back to my desk I’d transcribe the notes from my hand to a receipt. Except I couldn’t find a pen on my desk so I snapped the photo, which I'd planned to print out and take along on conference day so we'd know when and where to go. This is called PROBLEM SOLVING people.

You know, I was always like, “What am I going to need algebra for anyway?” And they were always like, “It helps you problem solve!” And boy were they wrong! Unpreparedness and disorganization. Now that gets me thinking!