Suck it up, this is the suburbs.

We woke up on Saturday and decided that we’ve been too good to our vascular systems and they owed us big, so we decided to treat ourselves to some burgers and fries at the Kiltie. For those of you unfamiliar with Milwaukee’s outlying suburbs, the Kiltie is an old fashioned drive-up burger joint. It’s been around as long as I can remember, and I suspect it’s been around long enough that its original patrons would have considered eating a veggie burger a sign that either you were a communist, or a gay. Could it mean you were a gay communist? No, they wouldn’t have wondered that. That thought would have caused their brains to pulsate and shoot out of random orifices.

It was still early, and the Kiltie hadn’t opened yet so we decided to get out of the house and go to the park. At the park, Ben and I sat, and waited, and watched. We found an open bench near a group of parents who were discussing current events like Lindsay Lohan’s next court date and other intellectually charged dialogue about Kate Gosselin.

Now really, I couldn’t care any less about Kate, or her fake hair, or her organic eggs, or her divorce. What I do care about is that she never bent at the waist when she danced on Dancing with the Stars. Her dancing was just all kinds of crazy. And when she danced to Lady Gaga’s ‘Paparazzi,’ I was certain the network was going to be found guilty of breaking obscenity laws.

Where was I? Oh right, the Mensa group at the park.

So no, I’m not a fan of Kate Gosselin herself, but I’m even less a fan of ignorant comments like the comment made by one of those Mensa women at the park.

“Kate Gosselin! I HATE that woman! She needs to quit all her crap, and stay home, and mother her children!” And then I’m pretty sure she wiped bile from her mouth and took a sip of Diet Coke.

Although, maybe she had a point. Maybe Kate should spend more time with her kids since their father is busily occupied sticking various body parts into nineteen year old girls. And then maybe when Jon is spending time with his kids Kate could babysit his girlfriends!

Is the Kiltie open yet?

But wait they weren’t done.

One of their kids comes running over to where his parents were discussing world events and asked if it was time to go to the Kiltie yet. [These people had made the same plans. See I told you these were some smart people!] His dad told him that yes it was almost time and then asked his son what he was going to order for lunch, and the kid goes, “I want a bagel.” And then his dad snorts, “Where do you think we are, Manhattan?” [Because, yes, bagels are considered exotic fare here in the suburbs of Milwaukee.] Next thing you know, this uppity kid’s going to be asking for Greek yogurt and pita bread. Then it’s just one slippery slope to falafel sandwiches and bean curd!

Immediately, I look at Ben, and under my breath I’m all, “See, this is why every town should have a synagogue. If only for bagel access!”