But what about lighting them on fire?

We’re not a big board game kind of family and that’s probably because I find rolling dice, and counting spaces on a game board, to be as stimulating as tire shopping. But the girls enjoy playing so on the rarest of occasions I’ll agree to play, briefly. On my first turn, I’ll roll the dice and start counting off the number of spaces the dice told me to move.

For instance, lets say I roll a seven. I start...one space, two spaces, three spaces...OH-GOD-YOU-WIN-I-CAN’T-TAKE-THIS! Girls, wouldn’t you rather play with something else like, I don’t know, fire?

A few weeks ago, we were at Ben’s mom’s picking up the girls. As we were standing in the foyer gathering up shoes and whatnots, Lexi dashed back into the family room, emerging moments later with a small box containing a game she and her Grandma play together. My first response was to scan the room for the nearest exit. But, she only wanted to “show” me the game. Not play it. I love her.

However, Ben enjoys games and was interested to find out “the point of the game.” And that’s just it. There’s NEVER a point to games. It’s just spinning dials, tossing dice and counting spaces until...until...THE END.

I still don’t know what “the point” of the game is, but that’s not the point of this post. The point of this post is the punch list of warnings folded up neatly inside the box.

click on below image to enlarge

So now we’re always like girls DO NOT RECLINE ON THE DICE!

There’s no other way to explain away the crazy, except to assume some berzerker personal injury attorney sat down with a hysterical school nurse [recently weaned off her OCD meds], knocked back a few thermoses of coffee [not too hot; lessen the chances of burning a lap] and crafted this map of unlikely calamities.

I cannot tell you the restraint it took on my part to not arrange the blocks to read ‘WTF’ when I took this photo. However, these are my mother-in-law’s dice, and they’re not mine to defile. Although, I am tempted to find out what happens if I use the dice “in conjunction with another product.”

click below image for larger view